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Sunday, 13 March 2016

Just because you can easily be unfaithful doesn’t mean you should

How would you feel if a  neighbour knocked on your door to yell angrily at you that your husband knocked up her daughter? What if shortly after that, two females in the neighbourhood were alleged to have fought tooth and nail over affairs with your husband? Would you walk out on him in disgust - or would you just keep quiet, especially when children were involved? Khadijat, in her late 30s, fashionable and the owner of a very impressive beauty parlor was in her salon recently, doing what she knew best when a neighbour strolled in, scowling at her from the mirror she used to view incoming customers.

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“She looked like a fish out of water in my salon”, Khadijat said, “and her scowl made me want to shove her out of the door. Before I said anything, she told me she’d want a word with me. With her was her daughter who I’d seen a couple of times in the salon. When I asked what she wanted to see me for, she said it was a private matter. Thinking she wanted employment for her daughter, and knowing there was no vacancy, I told her I was busy with a client and she was free to tell me what the matter was.

“‘Your husband has made my daughter pregnant’, she spat, the hostility in her voice was most annoying, I looked at her daughter and at her and my blood boiled. The salon was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. `And what has that got to do with me?’ I asked her, intending to embarrass her more than she’s embarrassed me. ‘If you don’t get out of my salon I’ll call the police. Why should I be accountable for your daughter’s waywardness? I’d advise you to take your complaint to my husband. And let me warn you, if you ever show your gold-digging faces at my

door-steps again I’ll let the dogs out on you”. They both looked as if they weren’t done yet, so, I told my staff to push them out of the salon.

“Was I shocked at what I’d just gone through? No. Just hurt. I’d been married to Wole for close to ten years. A single mother of a five-year-old when I met him, I couldn’t believe my luck at meeting a responsible man like him, willing to get hitched to a single parent. He had his own computer business and he was quite successful. Travelling often to bring in goods and showering my daughter and I with gifts. He was also a remarkably good lover and responsible father to my daughter and the two children that quickly followed after we got married. Then one day, after we’d been married for five years, I started hearing stories of escapades. Two friends, who he’d successfully bedded had a terrible fight over him in the neighbourhood. My husband couldn’t deny what happened as the girls out-did each other in their accusation of boyfriend snatching. Wole quickly begged for my forgiveness, swearing it was one of them who threw herself at him and sleeping with her was the only way he had of getting compensated for the money she borrowed off him!

“Later, stories abound of how he used to have sex regularly in his office with different girls” from professionals to food hawkers! He was obviously a sex addict and people like him seldom change” I wanted to leave, but I’d put in so much time and money into my home for me to just walk away like that. Besides, I’d told him sex between us would be strictly with him using condoms because I didn’t want any disease. I was shocked when he readily agreed. So here I am, stuck with a sex fiend. All I know is that whenever I find the occasional bonk, I treat myself with a very clear conscience ...”

“What the society fail to realize is that, there are a lot of unfulfilled and adventurous women our there”, bragged Kay, a happy-go-lucky married- bachelor friend. “I remember years ago when I got a job as a company secretary in a firm. The place was crawling with confident and enlightened women. ‘Everyone sleeps with everyone here’, confided a colleague. ‘Even the married ones are at. it!’ I instantly became interested. So, people really did have sex for fun - and 1 wanted it! So, when a few of the girls started teasing me, I gave back as much as I got. Over the next

couple of years, I’d been involved with five of them. The last one was a dynamo and the relationship went on for months. I was over the trauma of my divorce and toying with the idea of re-marrying. Tope, the girl in question came from a good family and sex with her was mind-blowing, she’d invested a lot in lacy tempting underwears and confessed she’d had the best sex ever with me.

“She knew of my escapades with my other colleagues and I told her they were before I met her even though I was still bonking one or two on the side. When I started mentioning marriage, she didn’t encourage it. In the end, I had to come right out to tell her it would be nice if we became a couple. She looked horrified ‘But I already have a fiance’, she said. ‘We never agreed on marriage did we? You told me you wanted fun and so did I’. We kind of split up after that and I felt betrayed. “‘Shortly, after, we all got invited to the wedding. I attended so I could see the sort of creep she preferred to me. He was young and obviously in love with his new wife. A year after, she wedded, she left the company when her husband started his own business.

“I eventually got married but have since discovered that relationship sex could be dull, dull, dull. ... So I went back to my wicked ways. I even bedded older women who told me happily that my youth made me energetic and virile. Whatever turned them on! Older women never pestered me about continuity - all they wanted was amazing sex. A sort of passion without responsibilities and that suited me to the ground, left me free to sleep with other people and to feel no jealousy at all when they shut me off from time to time because they found more interesting prospects!

“My third marriage has slowed me down of course but I still have the occasional fling. A fifty-something accountant just confessed a few weeks ago that when she was younger, she’d thought orgasms were a myth. That thanks to me, she was now having incredible sex. That growing older has never been such fun! So what do you make of that!”

One More Time With Feelings! (Humour)

A n elderly couple had met in an old people’s home and after a few months, the man got down on his knees and asked for the woman’s hand in marriage, she gladly accepted. However, the next morning when the old man woke up, he couldn’t remember what the old woman’s answer had been. Feeling extremely embarrassed, there was no way round it but to ring her up and find out.

“Hello Gloria, it’s Cyril,” he said. “I feel awfully silly about this but I wondered whether you’d tell me again what your answer was to my marriage proposal. I’m afraid I can’t remember!” “Oh Cyril,” she replied happily. “I’m so glad you phoned. I knew I’d say ‘yes’ to someone but I couldn’t remember who it was!.

Cc:Vanguard

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