Funny Story: In Search Of My Other Half

funny story in search of my other half

It was a Saturday morning and I was already up by 9:00am, I mean this was pretty early compared to the normal time I was usually up on Saturdays. Gladly, I didn’t have to wake up on Saturdays for work as I only worked Mondays to Fridays. And the reason for my wide awoken eyes was because I had a big day planned ahead. I couldn’t stop thinking about the New Year’s party my married friend had invited me to. It was to start by 3:00pm. Yes oo, I said 3:00pm, that was when the party was to start but you knows as the saying “Be prepared” says, so was I going to be as prepared as I could be. I had to be fully prepared as my motor and mission to find a husband wasn’t yet accomplished. I mean mother Mary, Anne, my  housemate already had a fiance. The girl that everyone thought she would become a nun while I was still “baeless”(without a boyfriend or husband) according to my friends.
I stood up from the bed, went on knees and said a little prayer to God, making it clear that I  needed his help to find a husband that day. I mean I was a twenty-six years old graduate who left the university about three years ago. Some people told me it wasn’t all that bad, that it was worse for some others but only me knew what I was going through. My mum and dad were already giving me looks and I was always invited to weddings that got me depressed.

The fact that even had to be reminded that my ring finger was still empty got me more depressing. So many times I had been tempted to put a ring on it myself just to prevent all the,”You’re not married? You’re not getting any younger” but I knew that would only chase potential bae away. And so, I got used to it. I mean, don’t people realize that there has to be a partner in order to get married. They would be talking just because they are newly weds.
Anyway, after my prayer, I went to fumble with my bags, looking for something nice to wear. I was tempted to bring out the most revealing of them all but I decided to be a decent girl that day. So I brought out a simple black dress that showed just a teeny weeny cleavage, don’t judge me. I thought that would increase my chance of getting the guys talk to me. After about an hour of raiding my boxes and wardrobe, in search for the perfect dress for my mission, I finally found the perfect outfit.
I decided to clean the house first before preparing for my party. I swept, mopped, arranged, and washed. You see why I was a good candidate for a wife. I finally finished the cleaning and decided to make something to eat before I remembered that my dress wouldn’t fit properly if I ate too much and so I ate just two slices of bread and egg. After that, I went in to have my bath and in no time, I started dressing up. I put on my dress and got myself prepared to go about my makeup look for that day. I had already drawn my eyebrows, put my foundation, highlighted and contoured when Anne came into my room.
“Ahn ahn, Sandra, you and all this your makeup and dresses. Going for another party abi.” Anne said while sitting on the bed.
“Woo Anne, don’t start now oo. Is it a crime to put on makeup?”
“It isn’t now but don’t you think it is too much. Look at your dress sef, showing cleavage and all. You won’t find a husband like this oo.”
“Anne! Abeg! No annoy me today. No be strippers and ashawo dey marry. It’s not like I’m naked now. It’s just a little cleavage and makeup. That’s all.”
“The husbands of these strippers and ashawos already know their type and who they want to marry, that’s why they marry them. Except you want to classify yourself as one and find a husband who thinks you’re a stripper. At least, Push your dress up a bit now, let me help you,” she said trying to touch my dress.
“Anne! Leave me! Thank you, mother and pastor. You will just be killing someone’s vibe and spoiling people’s mood. Because you’re engaged now. I no go hear word” I finally said to her.
“Sorry oo. I didn’t even bring up anything about myself. I was just saying as your friend oo”

I ignored her and continued with my makeup until I was done baking on my face and ready to leave the house. I told Anne I was leaving, even though she gave me that “what a pity” look and went to the bus stop to fetch a cab. It was already worse enough that I didn’t have a car after two years of working. Everytime I remembered my mates that were flexing around town with their money and fiances/husbands, I just wanted to weep. Why is life still hard for Sandra? I asked myself several times.
Anyway, to cut the long story short, I got to the party a bit, just a bit late, after all the waking up early due to the long annoying Lagos traffic. It was a very nice place at Ikoyi. The main party was at the garden just beside the pool so as nervous as I was, I took up the courage and walked majestically to take a seat when suddenly my mood changed. Everyone’s eyes were on me, I mean I kind of wanted that but not the kind of look they were giving me. Most of them were wearing simple outfits, both the ladies and men including the small children I saw running around. It didn’t look anything like what I expected. I thought to see men and women in fancy outfits not shorts and shirts. I didn’t even expect to see children running around. I was like the only overdressed person there. That was my humiliation number one, I thought that was enough to embarrass the destiny out of me until a child of about seven years old that was playing around came up to me and ssaid

“Aunty, your dress has torn”

I looked at this child and wondered what he was talking about and saw that he was pointing to one of the designs that was displayed on my dress. It was supposed to look like it was torn when really it’s a reaped design. I sighed and smiled at the child.

Before I could even explain to the little boy that it wasn’t torn, he ran off to continue playing with the other kids. “They send you?”(speaking Pidgin English) I muttered under my breath angrily.
I sat on the table all alone, with my eyes not leaving my phone, pressing only God knows what, in order to reduce how insecure I was starting to feel. But not long after, a woman walked up to me and told me to go to the bathroom and adjust my dress as my boobs were almost out of my dress. She even went further to say there were children and married men there which just completely flattened me to the ground .
Okay maybe, I did show a lot of cleavage but it was all in my mission to get my other half talk to me. Maybe I should have listened to Anne. I stood up and decided to go to the washroom to adjust. I could see a few men who I spotted at a table looking at me and laughing. I was completely humiliated. If these grown men found me worthy to be laughed at, then my mission to find my other half failed. I decided to leave the party instead of receiving more insults. To add pepper to my injury, as I was exiting the gate, the security men of the house were winking and smiling at me, giving me that look as they were sitted at their post. One even called me a name in which I almost insulted him but because I caused it all for myself, I had to carry the cross that came with it as I tried to endure the humiliation. I even still had to ask one of them where it was easier to find a cab.
I thought I had to go through all I did to get my other half come up to me but now I know it isn’t the case. I told myself that I wasn’t going to go through all of that again just to find a husband. I mean they shouldn’t just want to talk or be with me based on my appearance. I didn’t have to go out almost naked. There’s more to it right? What an adventure, I’m never seeking for again. For a while, I didn’t go to any of the parties I was invited to by the same friend that invited me to my embarrassment. I didn’t want to meet the same set of people again. I chose to wait and let everything happen naturally like they should. Hoping that bae would find me soon
My search for my other half…..
Tell us what you think. Men, do women have to dress a certain way in order to be approached? What do you think is appropriate? Let’s hear your views because this world has turned into a place where going out naked is mostly accepted as to being properly dressed all in the name of fashion or attraction of the opposite sex.

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  1. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.


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